Posted in coaching

Abigail the codependent

On the outside, Nabal and Abigail seem to have it all. She’s beautiful and intelligent; hubby is wealthy and successful—but mean (1 Samuel 25:2-3). No one ever calls out Nabal which just enables him to continue his ways. For example, while Nabal’s employees were busy shearing his 3000 sheep, David was a good neighbor and protected the rest of Nabal’s flock. However, when David and his band of brothers needed some neighborly kindness, Nabal is rude and insults them (25:4-11). David is furious!

This kind of thing happened regularly. Nabal creates a crisis and people know what to do. Don’t confront Nabal. Go to Abigail (25:14-17). She’ll fix it. She’s nice. You can count on her to drop everything and cover for Nabal. She always makes whatever sacrifices are necessary to soothe wounds, mend fences, and keep the family functioning. Codependents are good at that.

So sure enough, Abigail comes through with a boatload of comfort food for David—without telling Nabal (25:18-19). Codependents are used to facing problems alone and taking the blame (25:20-25). Oh, if only she had done this or that. Of course, it’s the codependent’s fault. Abigail should have found out about David’s men, intercepted them, and taken care of the issue before Nabal went ape. (I hope you can hear my sarcasm).

Abigail returns home from her meeting with David and Nabal is drinking again (25:36). She waits until hubby sobers up to break the news to him. She had finally broken the #1 codependent rule by telling someone the truth: “My husband is a worthless (deluded) fellow,” she told David (25:25). When Nabal found out that she broke the “no talk rule,” he was so shocked that he had a stroke (25:37-38).

This courageous woman not only broke free of the codependent crazy world, she became a messenger of the Lord (25:26-31)! Through all those crazy-making days Abigail’s faith grew strong in God’s loving care. That is why she’s able to encourage David, saying, “when trouble comes, your life shall be bound in the bundle of the living in the care of the Lord your God, while the lives of your enemies he shall sling out as from the hollow of a sling” (25:29).

Live in the bundle, tell someone the truth, and you will likely be God’s messenger, too.